Raíces oscuras –Del ego a nuestra verdadera esencia

Por: Lcda. Karin de Schwank, Psicóloga Clínica

concepto de autoestima y ego

autoestima y ego

Autoestima es algo que buscamos desesperadamente.

Necesitamos la constancia de esa retroalimentación que nos recuerda que tenemos valor y que somos deseados. Nuestro foco de atención se dirige hacia afuera en búsqueda de la aceptación de otros, protegiéndonos de aquellos quienes nos juzgan o fallan en otorgarnos esa aprobación tan necesitada.

Es triste y decepcionante el descubrir la fragilidad de nuestra autoestima, la cual, en muchas maneras, es dependiente de factores externos. Mucho en nuestras vidas depende de la aprobación o desaprobación de quienes nos rodean en espacios en donde desarrollamos nuestra autoestima social, académica, laboral, intelectual y familiar. Si nos sentimos exitosos, nuestra autoestima se eleva; si nos sentimos fracasados, disminuye. Si estamos en una relación y nos sentimos queridos, nuestra autoestima crece; si la relación termina y nos sentimos solos, nuestra autoestima se ve afectada. Es una situación inevitable. Factores relacionales estarán siempre impactando la experiencia que tenemos de nosotros mismos.

No es extraño entonces el que de formas conscientes o inconscientes estemos en una competencia con todos quienes nos rodean. Los éxitos de los demás tienden a ser amenazas a nuestro sentido de valía. El que otros brillen también nos representa una amenaza; nos da miedo el no poder brillar como ellos. Fallamos en aprobarnos a nosotros mismos y luego buscamos esa confirmación en otros. Entramos en una competencia de todo tipo: física, académica, laboral, económica, religiosa, etc. Estamos desesperadamente viendo a los lados para ver si nos encontramos mejor o peor que nuestros vecinos.

Este tipo de vida muy pronto se convierte en una especie de tortura cotidiana y un patrón de vida. Nos ajustamos y nos protegemos. Perdemos el sentido de nosotros mismos y permitimos que otros nos definan. Si las definiciones son negativas, nos las repetimos cientos de veces, convirtiéndonos así en nuestros peores enemigos.

Es así como se desarrolla lo que comúnmente llamamos “Ego”. El ego es esa parte sutil de nuestra forma de ser (y otras, no tan sutil), que aprende a desarrollar patrones de conducta, formas de reacción y tendencias relacionales. En especial, es esa parte de la relación con nosotros mismos, la cual recubre muy eficientemente aquello que verdaderamente somos.

Los seres humanos somos seres sociales. No podemos negar este hecho. Muchos de nosotros quisiéramos no darle tanta importancia a nuestra aceptación social. Sin embargo, es algo que inevitablemente nos mueve, nos impacta y nos importa muchísimo. El término codependencia ha sido un término utilizado para describir los niveles a donde podemos llegar para satisfacer o complacer a otros, todo con el fin de sentirnos aceptados y queridos dentro de nuestro círculo social. Y muchas veces complacemos a costos muy altos. Nuestro bienestar personal muy frecuentemente se convierte en el menor de nuestras prioridades, puesto que la garantía de pertenencia es nuestra meta más importante. Para poder llegar a dicha aceptación, estamos dispuestos a hacer todo lo que se requiera, incluso si eso significa perdernos a nosotros mismos.

Tomar conciencia de nuestra realidad humana es inevitable. El dolor, la angustia y las pérdidas son como fuego que nos quema por dentro, llevándonos a hacer esas interminables preguntas acerca de nuestro desesperado deseo de comprender la vida. El dolor profundo de nuestra alma, el sentirnos rechazados, abandonados y despojados de fuerza, son algunos sentimientos que tristemente nos llevan a despertar a la dura realidad.

Cuando sufrimos, nuestro ego se manifiesta en su más grande esplendor. A pesar de que pasamos la vida intentando erradicar el ego, pues nos ciega de nuestra verdadera identidad, es importante darle su lugar y debida importancia. Nuestro ego es el mecanismo que nos permite sobrevivir circunstancias dolorosas. El ego es el que se adapta; es el que construye falsas identidades para hacerlas más soportables y para ayudarnos a sufrir menos. Sin él moriríamos. Es crucial entonces que encontremos una forma de relacionarnos con esa parte de nosotros que no puede esconderse. Sin embargo, a pesar de ser una parte crucial en nuestra vida, tristemente nos resistimos a ella.

Si usamos un árbol como metáfora, el tronco representa nuestro ego. En el ego radica nuestra identidad social, la que desarrollamos a través de convertirnos en lo que todos conocen cuando mencionan nuestro nombre. No es difícil percatarnos de la importancia del ego en nuestra vida. De muchas maneras, la presencia del ego es esencial pues nos dirige dentro del contexto de vida como la conocemos.

Las ramas representan aquello que nos conecta con todo lo que es más grande que nosotros: Dios, el cosmos, el universo y la filosofía. Inclusive los ateos reportan profundas filosofías de vida que explican su existencia. Parece ser que parte de la naturaleza humana incluye el deseo de buscar sentido y valor a la vida.

Por ultimo, las raíces. Las raíces representan aquello que nutre y alimenta al árbol. Ellas permanecen en la oscuridad. En su silencio, le otorgan al árbol lo esencial para su vida. Si las raíces no son fuertes, el árbol muere.

La resistencia a cualquier dolor inevitablemente nos empuja hacia la oscuridad y ésta nos da temor. Tenemos mucha resistencia para entrar en esos espacios silenciosos, profundos y dolorosos. Sin embargo, estos espacios son las raíces de nuestra vida. Son nuestros momentos más dolorosos y devastadores los que nutren nuestra alma. Cuando entramos a esa oscuridad, dejamos de sostener. Es ahí en donde nos rendimos, en donde reconocemos que no tenemos control de nada. Es aquí en donde encontramos las respuestas a nuestras necesidades básicas, en donde nuestras prioridades encuentran un nuevo orden y en donde nuestra existencia adquiere un significado diferente. La depresión inevitable de este encuentro con la oscuridad nos asusta. Muchos desean salir rápido de este espacio a través del uso de medicamentos, drogas o alcohol. La ansiedad, el miedo y el dolor son experiencias de las cuales ningún ser humano se salva.

Es importante confiar en que al perder el miedo de nuestros días oscuros, llegaremos más efectivamente al otro lado, en donde existe una vida con mayor significado. Son los momentos en las profundidades de nuestra oscuridad y dolor en donde pulimos el instrumento que nos da vida y que nos convierte en lo que verdaderamente somos: Nosotros mismos. Es en este fuego en donde se incineran nuestras máscaras de autoestima y se descubre la obra maestra de lo único que somos: Luz infinita.

He aquí el reto. Cuando estamos en esas horas, días, semanas y meses oscuros, pensamos que nunca llegará el día en que podremos encontrar gozo nuevamente. Este pensamiento es el que nos obliga a salir a la fuerza, el que nos obliga a mantener las máscaras del ego en el que no pasa nada, cuando realmente pasa todo. Pensamos que decepcionaremos al mundo si nos encuentran tristes. Tenemos miedo de vernos débiles y ser considerados indeseables en nuestro clan. Sin embargo, si tan solo nos damos el permiso de quedarnos en el proceso de nuestros propios duelos, dándonos el tiempo necesario para que las lágrimas hagan el trabajo de limpiar nuestras heridas, pronto encontraremos nuestra fuerza para seguir adelante.

Encontramos con certeza que nunca vamos a descubrir el misterio de la vida. Toda religión intenta explicar según su cosmovisión eso llamado vida y muerte, pero nunca llegan a ofrecernos una garantía de que las cosas sean como las proponen. Por eso mismo enfatizan en la importancia de la fe… y es por fe que seguimos adelante. Continuamos deseando querer ver lo bello en la vida. De hecho, todo lo bello lo podemos ver más claro después de haber estado en la oscuridad. Los detalles de lo simple, de lo pequeño y de lo cotidiano, se convierten en lo más atesorado, en lo más tierno y en lo más valioso. Nos damos cuenta de que la vida, a pesar de que termina, está llena de momentos inolvidables que nos conmueven, que nos enternecen y que nos hacen sentir especiales y amados. Estos momentos son los que frecuentemente quedan en el olvido cuando estamos tan ocupados de complacer aquello que se espera de nosotros.

Cuando nos damos permiso de visitar nuestras raíces, aprendemos a reconocer que nuestro tronco, es decir, nuestro ego, no es un enemigo. Es una parte esencial de nosotros que nos permite funcionar en la vida. Nuestro ego es lo que nos permite relacionarnos y construir vida en su forma física. Pero son las raíces las que nos dan el sentido de lo que verdaderamente somos. Las raíces dan lugar a que nuestras ramas sean robustas y llenas de frutos. Y estos frutos son todo aquello que sembramos en nuestro peregrinaje por los suelos de la tierra. Son nuestra contribución a que el mundo sea más bello. Son nuestros colores únicos que nadie más puede ofrecer… y son nuestro brillo, que hace al otro sonreír.


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